just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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