We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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