she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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