I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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