that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
