It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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