Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize