I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize