I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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