First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
