i was born a porn star she said
I skipped work to stalk him.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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