I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
