why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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