stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
