He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
