Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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