I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
