i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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