I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
