My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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