the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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