Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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