Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
