I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize