she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
