dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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