i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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