This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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