this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
