Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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