i just made my gag reflex go away.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
