Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
