Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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