i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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