so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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