Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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