frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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