Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
