3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
