Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
