Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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