Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
