between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
