Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
