This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
