actually, I'm a sock model
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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