she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
