nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Are we still banned from the library?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
