I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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