it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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