It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
