We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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