just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
