I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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