i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
