I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
