I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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