I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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