you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
