I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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