I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
too bad you live with your parents still
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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