Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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