when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
