YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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