I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
