Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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