I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
