how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
