hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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