I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
